That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
