I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
