I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
