why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
