So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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