Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
