I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize