elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am naked and annoyed.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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