Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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