It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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