Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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