Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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