Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize