Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
