who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
