I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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