Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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