so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
