morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
