I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
