STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
