Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
