hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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