well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
