I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
