we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
