two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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