dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
