i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
