I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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