We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
