So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
