clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
be right there i have to get my cape
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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