and you said cock pushups were impossible
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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