I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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