is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
