Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize