I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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