apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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