I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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