its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you will always have a special place in my vag
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
