saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
