I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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