Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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