sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
