I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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