she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
