is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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