The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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