You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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