She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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