She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
