I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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