Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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