I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
