We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
