ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I smell like Dick and happiness
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
