Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
