I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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