Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
