Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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