At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
