I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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