I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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