I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
