dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think your dad took our porno
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
