I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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