So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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