dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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