South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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