In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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