Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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