i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
