im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
